The Cupcake Dialogues by Geneen Roth

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Here's a conversation I had with the previously mentioned Cupcake Student:

Cupcake Student: I want cupcakes.

Me: What about the cupcakes do you want so much?

Cupcake Student: I want the sweetness. I want the richness. I want the feeling of it in my mouth.

Me: When you have one in your mouth, how do you feel?

Cupcake Student: I feel calm, I feel loved, and I feel like everything is good.

Me: So, it seems as if what you really want is to feel loved, calm and relaxed.

Cupcake Student: Uh-oh. Is this a trick? Did you just talk me out of wanting cupcakes?

Me: Nope. You can still choose to have them if you really want them. We're just trying to figure out what it is you really want when you say you want cupcakes.

Cupcake Student: Well, okay then, I do want to feel loved, calm and relaxed.

Me: How about giving yourself permission—just for a minute—to want that? To want love?

Cupcake Student: But what if I know I can't have it? I just got divorced and I'm not dating anyone. What's the point of wanting love when I can't have it?


Learning Your Heart's Desire
Yes, that is million-dollar question number two: What's the point of wanting something you can't have? Why not spare yourself the pain and turn to something you can have—food—instead?